Freedom

Its such a bazaar feeling to feel free from the trap i was trapped in. I was trapped in my own dream that was also a nightmare. The truth was i was living a lie i was in love with a fantasy instead of the reality. I have met so many nice guys since i broke free of my trance. Some who are players, and some who are genuine. None the less i am starting to see the different sides of people, and i am learning to weed out the ones who won't be there in the end. The truth is as an old "fake letter from god" said if we are to love Him first and foremost He will bring us to the one He wants us to find. We are to not grow weary, faint, and tired as long as we wait upon Him to renew us in strength that we will mount up with wings like eagles. Speaking from Isaiah 40:31. Just keep your eyes set above and where could you go wrong? Life is not a cake walk, but finding a nice guy isn't that hard as long as you stop looking and just have fun. That person will eventually waltz into your life right when your least expecting it.

so....

So i have come to the conclusion that I am not really interested in findin anything right now in this point in time. If i get my hopes up that some good guy is gonna come along and they don't show up hahaha i can't be disapointed. I am now just trying very hard to be patient. I know God is teaching me something through this, but i can tell you one thing... there are too many jerks in this world. I am just kicking back for now and just having fun. When God feels its the right time i know that special someone will just walk into my life, but until then i am not going to worry about it. I have been hurting again inside missing someone to hold and to care for. I guess i just have too much of that giving nature. I don't know how to just be by myself ha thats funny though because all throughout highschool i did it... but know that i am older i feel like i am running out of time even though i am still so young to so many people. I feel older mentally so it just hurts more i guess. I had a good prayer time with my friend Diana last night who is going through the same struggles i am and its funny how friends can sometimes go through it at the same time. I know God allows that so we can be a comfort to each other, but dang... does it hurt. haha. I am ready to hit the ground running after some dream just wish i knew which one... I am really praying and thinking about the Coast Guard idea i have. Medical training and what not available in there and whatever else might grab my interest. It would give me an opportunity to see some more of the U.S. how cool would that be?