Erin & Ronnie

Had fun on this shoot. I need to get better with my technical side, but I'm getting there. 

Frustrations

What is it about men that i seem to attract the ones that are the ones that freak out and disappear on me for no reason. I am so sick and tired of it. I don't know how i am supposed to react to these things. I am sick and tired of heart break. How come all the b****s get the good guys and all the good girls get stuck with the A** Holes? Anyone know.... please some one tell me why it's like this. I wasn't even looking for a relationship and the one i have with Brandon dropped in my lap. I was still concentrating on myself so why does this one hurt the most? OOOH I know cus for once it seemed like i found one that actually wanted me around for me. I was delirious what was i thinking... I quit. No more guys for me. I am over it. I am not gonna date anymore.

Freedom

Its such a bazaar feeling to feel free from the trap i was trapped in. I was trapped in my own dream that was also a nightmare. The truth was i was living a lie i was in love with a fantasy instead of the reality. I have met so many nice guys since i broke free of my trance. Some who are players, and some who are genuine. None the less i am starting to see the different sides of people, and i am learning to weed out the ones who won't be there in the end. The truth is as an old "fake letter from god" said if we are to love Him first and foremost He will bring us to the one He wants us to find. We are to not grow weary, faint, and tired as long as we wait upon Him to renew us in strength that we will mount up with wings like eagles. Speaking from Isaiah 40:31. Just keep your eyes set above and where could you go wrong? Life is not a cake walk, but finding a nice guy isn't that hard as long as you stop looking and just have fun. That person will eventually waltz into your life right when your least expecting it.

so....

So i have come to the conclusion that I am not really interested in findin anything right now in this point in time. If i get my hopes up that some good guy is gonna come along and they don't show up hahaha i can't be disapointed. I am now just trying very hard to be patient. I know God is teaching me something through this, but i can tell you one thing... there are too many jerks in this world. I am just kicking back for now and just having fun. When God feels its the right time i know that special someone will just walk into my life, but until then i am not going to worry about it. I have been hurting again inside missing someone to hold and to care for. I guess i just have too much of that giving nature. I don't know how to just be by myself ha thats funny though because all throughout highschool i did it... but know that i am older i feel like i am running out of time even though i am still so young to so many people. I feel older mentally so it just hurts more i guess. I had a good prayer time with my friend Diana last night who is going through the same struggles i am and its funny how friends can sometimes go through it at the same time. I know God allows that so we can be a comfort to each other, but dang... does it hurt. haha. I am ready to hit the ground running after some dream just wish i knew which one... I am really praying and thinking about the Coast Guard idea i have. Medical training and what not available in there and whatever else might grab my interest. It would give me an opportunity to see some more of the U.S. how cool would that be?

Very Terrible of me.....

Today i am sitting at my desk at work. Looking and watching all the amounts of plumbers that are coming into the store... I am amazed that i can count on my hand the amount of white guys that come into my store on a daily basis. I love culture i love diversity, but uh.... wait a min we are the minority now down here in the valley. I am very confused what happened to all of us white people? I feel very racist right now and normally i would not be. I am not one to ever want someone to feel like i didn't like them.

I am also extremely frustrated with how our laws are being governed. I mean just the other day my car got broken into. About 5 years ago that would have been unheard of in my neighborhood. It's amazing how much crime has gone up in the recent years. I would love to see some undercover people go in and take all these dooshbags out. See back in the old west days it was a lot easier you did something wrong they took you out and now its the innocent get jailed and the bad guys go free.... OJ S, that guy who killed his wife and unborn child, and you know about half the idiots on trial.

What we need is someone to come in and clean house on our government because half the issues were because the politicians screwed the banks and then it became what we have now a recession. Why do we let these people run our lives? There are many more of us than there are of them so why don't we have a revolution again and make things clean up? See we just keep letting it happen instead of actually doing something about it. It's rediculous. When will we learn?

Life is never what you'd expect.

I have had a rough past two days. I have wanted to walk out the door at my work and quit. I know I need to be thankful for a job in these tough times, but sometimes work expects too much out of me. I am only one person i can only do so much. Anyways. So i just have been answering way too many phone calls and listening to my boss yell at me way too much... I have been being as patient as possible. Not working to well. Had piles of papers surrounding my desk and tried to keep a smile on my face while i helped the customers with cash sales.... answered a lot of phone calls and over all just tried to keep my chin up. Sometimes that's all we can do. Finally at one point one of my bosses noticed that i was losing my mind and decided to come and give me a break. That made it go a little better after that. Well keep trucking along people... :)

Today...

So last night i was greeted by several text messages and retardedness from the ex.... Guess they'll never learn. They must think its in their nature and their job to bug us till the end. Men just don't get it when we say we are done we are done. I was driving back to work today from home taking care of my little adorable dog Duke. And i was thinking to myself how happy i am to be single. I feel very content right where i am at in life. I have wonderful people around me right now, i am envolved with church, going to school, and just enjoying the great out doors what on earth do i need a boy friend for??? haha. Boys... the'll never learn.

Today is a nice day outside too nice to be couped up at work. I have a job though I need to be grateful for that. My work layed off two people last week here and that just makes it so close to home. The worst part about it was that they were both my friends at work. That always makes it more tough. I am just treaking along here. I want to take my amazing dog for a hike on Saturday after i am done working. I think he'll enjoy that and i love being in God's creation.

I've really been learning patience these days because i've had to keep my head above water here at work. I have a difficult time answering phones all day. It gets tiresome and i get to a point where i wish my other co-worker was here still. She was the main receptionist before i became the main one. So i hardly had to answer phones....not that i am complaining just more a trial of patience. I am learning to get through it though. God knows how much i can handle and won't give me more than He can help me to handle.

I am also looking forward to paying off my bills so i can get my bedroom set and be able to get my life a little more organized. I did get my room cleaned and i fianlly unpacked from my trip hahaha wow i know how many weeks ago now... I've been a bit busy can you tell. haha ok well i am going to have to close this down now. thanks for listening... that is if you were. haha...